i
am sitting in a  library carrel, wrestling with  feminist  theology and the themes of vulnerability and kenosis (self-emptying) as they relate to God.  it seems that every 15 minutes (or about every 4 pages) I have to get up to look up a word (antinomy, diremption, semiotic, apophatism, depotentiation, noetic) and it’s only when i do that i am aware that there are others in the library as well, that others even exist…  or occasionally, when a friend sticks their head over the carrel wall, reality intrudes and i recall that there is an external world.  suddenly i am reminded of the musings of a sixth grader walking home from school for lunch — i wonder if these people have reality outside my perceptive acknowledgment of them…. or is this a case like the white king in “Alice Through the Looking Glass”?  are they part of my dream? or am i part of theirs?

if a tree falls in the forest with no one to hear, can it make a sound?

it’s raining again.  it’s been doing that for 24 hours now.  anyone who thinks new york city looks beautiful in the rain has only been in the parks, not the residential areas, and definitely not the subway.  the rain comes on a slant because of the constant winds, and the gusts kill your umbrella.  going to and from field placement yesterday i saw many umbrella carcasses careening down the sidewalks, since the wind just snatched them from people’s grasps.  at times i felt like i was on a sailboard, being shoved across the pavement by the wind against my umbrella.

and still the rains come. 

my husband and mother-in-law got a phone call from the police in our town yesterday evening suggesting they might want to evacuate because of the flooding.  not too long after, they got a second call saying that all of the roads out of our town were impassable, so evacuation was no longer possible.  fortunately we live on high ground, so we should be alright.  dj would never evacuate anyway because they would not let him take our pets.

tonight we remember the victims of the Holocaust.  this Holocaust Remembrance Day (Yom HaShoah), the 27th of nisan on the hebrew calendar was chosen  by israel’s knesset because it falls between the end of passover tnd the anniversary of israel’s independence.  as we remember the Shoah, we are  reminded that the legacy of violence, intolerance, and hatred belongs to our own generation.  we are charged not only with commemorating the Shoah, but also to distill from it important historical truths and theological reflections.

as people of faith, what can we learn from this tragic chapter of our history?  how do we convey the dignity and importance of human life in an age that has seen such broad and brute annihilation?  how can we convey a message of a loving and compassionate Creator to an increasingly skeptical and desensitized society?

moreover, how do we bear witness to the suffering and tragedy of the millions who perished in the Holocaust, and give honor and recognition to those who survived pogroms, forced marches, and death camps, and went on to build new and meaningful lives?  how can we reconcile the reality of absolute evil and the goodness found in those few who risked all to shelter, rescue, and nourish those fleeing persecution and death?  how do we do more than bear witness to the suffering and tragedy in our own generation?

six million jews died: women, men, little children, old people, even infants.  along with these jews many others were killed: slavs, roma gypsies, disabled people, anyone of african descent, homosexuals, christian pastors and roman catholic priests, jehovah’s witnesses, russian prisoners of war, trade unionists, and any other individuals who, for whatever reason, were considered racially inferior or seen as degenerates.
taken from the Yom HaShoah service bulletin from the joint service of Hebrew Union College and General Theological Seminary

Rejoice now, heavenly hosts and choirs of angels,
and let your trumpets shout Salvation
for the victory of our mighty King.

Rjoice and sing now, all the round earth,
bright with a glorious splendor,
for darkness has been vanquished by our eternal King.

Rejoice and be glad now, Mother Church,
and let your holy courts, in radiant light,
resound with the praises of your people.

All you who stand near this marvelous and holy flame,
pray with me to God the Almighty,
for the grace to sing the worthy priase of this great light;
through Jesus Christ his Son our Lord,
who lives and reigns with him,
in the unity of the Holy Spirit,
one God, for ever and ever.   Amen.

…It is truly right and good, always and everywhere, with our
whole heart and mind and voice, to praise you, the invisible,
almighty, and eternal God, and your only-begotten Son,
Jesus Christ our Lord; for he is the true Paschal Lamb, who
at the feast of the Passover paid for us the debt of Adam’s sin
and by his blood delivered your faithful people.

This is the night, when you brought our fathers, the children
of Israel, out of bondage in Egypt and led them through the
Red Sea on dry land.

This is the night, when all who believe in Christ are delivered
from the gloom of sin, and are restored to grace and holiness of life.

This is the night, when Christ broke the bonds of death and hell,
and rose victorious from the grave.

How wonderful and beyond our knowing, O God, is your
mercy and loving-kindness to us, that to redeem a slave, you
gave a Son.

How holy is this night, when wickedness is put to flight, and
sin is washed away.  It restores innocence to the fallen and joy
to those who mourn.  It casts out pride and hatred, and brings
peace and concord.

How blessed is this night, when earth and heaven are joined
and man is reconciled to God…

May Christ, the Morning Star who knows no setting find this flame
ever burning — he who gives his light to all creation, and who lives
and reigns for ever and ever.  Amen

Happy Easter!

When it was noon, darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon.  At three o’clock, Jesus cried out with a loud voice “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabacthani?” which means “My God, My God, why have You forsaken me?”   When some of the bystanders heard it they said, “Listen, he is calling for Elijah.”  And someone ran, filled a sponge with sour wine, put it on a stick, and gave it to him to drink, saying, “Wait, let us see whether Elijah will come to take him down.”  Then Jesus gave a loud cry and breathed his last.  And the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom.  Now when the centurion, who stood facing him, saw that in this way he breathed his last, he said,
“Truly this was God’s Son.”   Mark 15:33-39

And so, there you have it.  A Good Friday miracle.  We hear all the time about the miracle of Easter itself, and about all the other miracles that Jesus himself performed or that the disciples did in his name after his death and resurrection.  But perhaps this Good Friday miracle is the most powerful of all, and made powerful by it’s very obscurity > I am indebted to Heidi, the pastor of Trinity Lutheran Church in NYC for bringing it to my attention.

Here is a miracle of the change of one’s heart.  Centurions were known for being eminently practical, for being bound by duty to carry out the most heinous of tasks (capital punishment by crucifixion being one of the worst), and for taking that duty in stride.  It was one of the highest honors in the Roman army, to be made a centurion.  And one of these hard core, dyed-in-the-wool, by-the-book soldiers was in charge of Jesus’ execution.  He saw them every day > indeed, this day he crucified two others at the same time.  None other was remarkable, only the death of this one man, Jesus of Nazareth, affected him, and the effect on him was incredible.

In the face of the man he had crucified as a common criminal the centurion, who had stood opposite Jesus during the entire ordeal, was able to see something so much more than a man dying on a cross.  He saw in the agonized face of a humble carpenter the face of God’s Son.  He saw the righteousness of Jesus and recognized his true Power.  His heart was persuaded.

You know how hard it is to change someone’s mind about something when they have it made up.  Even more so when the position they have adopted has the full force of government sanction behind it.  And yet, something in this humble, broken man on a cross caused the centurion to see truly what was happening > he was able to recognize that God’s Son had willingly given himself and his life to be broken and poured out for the world.

Against all training, against all conventions, against all odds and probabilities, the centurion was able to see the truth about the world for that moment.  He would never be the same again, and that is truly a Good Friday miracle.

           rikkifen

you have stolen the sleep from my eyes
and so i lie awake and listen
to the soft sounds of sleep
    from birds and cat
and the house as it settles and creaks

there was the miracle of your voice today
-i do not know what to do with that-
your words run through my head
    an erotic teleprompter of sorrow, lust, and longing

the tsunami of our love is rushing in
sweeping us towards the rocks of decision
    it does not get more urgent than this
                     more immediate
                     more real

avoiding the question doesn’t avoid the answer

you have stolen the sleep from my eyes
and my heart from my chest…