we are winding down the semester, and everyone is on edge.
after spending quite literally every waking moment (19-20 hours/day) of the past 3 days in the library, i found myself walking home from field placement on sunday, with tears welling up in my eyes > i was so tired i could not see straight. on the way home, i met Mn, who lives in my house; she’d seen me and had waited so we could walk home together. one thing led to another, and we ended up in her room, talking and so that i could have a cat-fix (she’s got 3 – ms. kitty, brenda, and bella).
now, i really like Mn. she’s a year ahead of me, so she’ll graduate in may, and she is very very cool; she’s the kind of person i’d like to be when i grow up. after me sitting in her chair, drinking diet dr. pepper with tears just streaming down my face and blathering for 15 minutes or so, i finally pull myself together. turns out it was a good thing i needed to be with a friend because so did she.
she told me that someone (she didn’t say whom) had ‘outed’ her to her diocese, and that she’d gotten a call from her bishop telling her that the canon to the ordinary (that’s the person who has the power over the commission on ministry that has the power over your ordination prospects) had found out about her sexuality. now, Mn and i have never discussed if she were gay or straight > since i’m not looking for someone, and since i’m straight, it just never came up, and, to be honest, i never even thought about it one way or the other.
she said at the time she went to seminary, she was not aware of her orientation; she only became conscious of the fact that she’s a lesbian relatively recently. she told her bishop once she realized because that was only fair, and her diocese is against the ordination of openly gay/lesbian persons. her bishop was going along with things since no one else knew and since Mn was single, celibate, and not looking. now, other people know, and so she might not be able to be ordained.
it is completely not fair. she is a wonderful person, will be a great priest… she’s got an excellent rapport with youth, and i’ve heard her preach, and it’s meaningful and moving… she has been upfront with her diocese > it’s not like she hid anything. and then someone from here was the one who spread the word, which should be her secret to share. i am so saddened for her. she won’t be able to be ordained at all in her diocese now, and so she would need to go somewhere else, possibly starting the discernment process over again in that place.
just one more person facing one more hurdle, dealing with more pain…. hello, God, we’ve done everything you want — can we be priests now?
sz says it’s because i never seem to be judgemental but always ready and willing to listen to what others have to say. bk didn’t say how he views me, which of course makes me want to know, intensely > the worst part is that i am sure he realizes how much i want to know now, and i am equally sure he wants it that way. i don’t know if he actually knows how much i do think about him and wonder what he thinks about me. ces knows how i feel, but he’ll never tell… 
