July 26, 2006
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would you rather i be a plaster saint, outwardly perfect in all that i do or say? or would you rather i be real, concrete, present in all the sinfulness of humanity, but still walking and working towards enlightenment?
that's what i want to shout at jb. throw in his face. scream at the world.
tomorrow i will have stomach virus, which will force me to stay home from work, because i have my personal interviews with faculty plus financial aid at General Theological Seminary in new york city!!!! it looks like they have accepted me, or else why this command performance, complete with transcript?
and this is why jb and i have had this discussion, about my "behavior". about how he expects "some" people (read yours truly) to live up to a higher standard. because if i do reach the end of this path culminating in ordination, it is a truly valid question. a lifestyle question, for anyone who is searching for enlightenment.
what's the answer? it used to be that we all wanted plaster saints, icons to be revered. then the Roman church had the sexual scandals of the 1990s and everything changed > we are still seeing repercussions of that. was it better to not know what had (probably) been going on for centuries? or is it better now, to see the world as it is? i know which is more comfortable; i own my own pair of rose colored glasses. i even own rose colored goggles for when i need my entire world (including the peripheral bits) to be nice. however, when reality eventually crashes in, it can then be worse.
people seem to want those they view as enlightened to be perfect, perhaps so that they can then excuse themselves from striving for enlightenment since only the perfect can succeed, perhaps because they need to believe that there is some thing better in this world. however gilded, this is still a cage > we remain trapped in childhood, living with magical thinking.
we should take strength and comfort from the fact that we are all on the pathway to enlightentment, and that those who are "ahead" of us still share our fundamental struggles against sin/evil/chaos/not-God/le néant. we take this journey together, and where i might stumble, you might be strong, and where you are faint and weary, i might have more stamina. others may have trouble with stealing or anger while i have trouble with lying and love.
it is hard to grow up, to voluntarily remove our blinders and see the world as it is. if we refuse, however, we will never experience all of life in all of its rich goodness, for even with the faults of humanity and the rest of life's events, this world is still a beautiful place. it is still God's good creation.
so... how would you answer the questions posed at the beginning?
Comments (5)
ok, you'll get mad at me for this but you can always hit delete.... No, I am not in your shoes. tomorrow i will have stomach virus, which will force me to stay home from work, because i have my personal interviews with faculty plus financial aid at General Theological Seminary in new york city!!!!
When you have to sin (lie) in order to get accepted into a Theological Seminary - I just wonder if this is of God? I mean, this almost sounds like a test of integrity. Just a thought.
Just be careful nobody from work reads this. Good luck. As for the previous comment, don't think too much about it, it's not all that easy to get time off is it?
I love the pastor of my church. He is real, human, fallible and sinful, just like the rest of us and he makes no secret of it. I have had my fill of alabaster angels in ministry.
To get ordained, though, you might need ti toe the company line till then.
It's annoying, but it's true.
Shalom!
oh lord. ignore the first comment; it's not as if people never tell little white lies. you have to weigh the consequences with the action... sometimes, its necessary to blur the lines a bit.
would you rather i be a plaster saint, outwardly perfect in all that i do or say? or would you rather i be real, concrete, present in all the sinfulness of humanity, but still walking and working towards enlightenment?
well. i'm not religious at all, but obviously the latter. i'll take real, concrete and sinful over plastic and fake.
I would much rather be a poised individual that walks in the light of the Lord, and a person that eventually, when my time comes, go towards our home with the Lord.
RYC: Thanks for the comment. I think I'll be okay. I'm just hoping in your case that children were not affected. I don't have a clue as to what I will do in high school. I almost wish that I didn't have to go. It's just so much of a burden, with all this registration and stuff, that I just wanna crawl under a rock and cry. *SIGH*
Have a good day. I hope I didn't depress you too much lol.:lol:
I need to change my profile picture though...
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