There is no need to wait to obtain true salvation...

"Your mind is telling you...that you need time- that you need to find, sort out, do, achieve, acquire, become, or understand something before you can be free or complete.  You see time as the means to salvation, whereas in truth, it is the greatest obstacle to salvation... you get there by realizing that you are there already.  You find God the moment that you don't need to seek God.  So there is no only way to salvation... However, there is only one point of access - the Now... There is nothing you can ever do or attain that will get you closer to salvation than it is [to you] at this moment...Nor can anything that you ever did or that was ever done to you in the past prevent you from saying yes to what is and and taking your attention deeply into the Now." (Eckhart Tolle, p. 147)

and if true salvation is being one with God, being eternally present with God, in the Now....

"What is God? The eternal One Life underneath all forms of life.  What is love?  To feel the presence of that One LIfe deep within yourself and within all creatures. To be it.  Therefore, all love is the love of God." (Eckhart, p 155)

i met with Bishop Councell today, at his request.  We decided that i should defer my application to seminary for (still) another year, until 2006/2007.  this will give us an opportunity to pay down debt. 

i HATE being able to see all the sides of a situation.  right now all i want is to sit on the floor, pound my heels, and cry.  but the adult in me recognizes that it would not be fair to have a priest leave seminary with crushing (perhaps crippling debt), especially when the priest would be given fiduciary responsibility (trusted to handle $$)... plus Bishop Councell knows that it is a hard enough strain on a marriage just being a priest, let alone an indebted one...

i hear all that. i know all that.  and the bishop was very very very careful to stress that he truly believes i have a true calling.  so why do i feel like crying for a week?

<sigh>