March 19, 2005

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  my friend, Ces, and i are having a discussion about adultery.  i am struggling with the idea that thinking sexual thoughts about someone is the same as doing them -- you know, the whole idea of intent... first degree murder/adultery and all... Ces feels that what occurs in the mind, stays in the mind, although he admits it would be hurtful to find out that his significant other was thinking about other ppl... i am not sure how i would feel about donathan thinking about someone else... i have worked so hard, since i was an adolescent going through puberty, not to think about any one in my sexual fantasies - everyone is always anonymous and pretty generically male or female... the theory being that if i was not thinking about anyone in particular, i was not having sex with anyone in particular, therefore there is no way it could be cheating.  now i am not so sure if that is a cop out.  the very idea of thinking about thinking about cheating might be the same as cheating.... this is making my head hurt. perhaps it is as simple as - if there is someone in particular about whom i want to fantasize, there is an element of desire more than normal, and that would definitely invoke the prospect/propensity for cheating.  otherwise, if there is no one in particular about whom i want to fantasize, then there is no desire/opportunity to cheat... but Ces insists that by acknowledging that sexual thoughts exist, accepting that they exist without judgement, and then moving on, he is not cheating.  he reminds me that a thought is just that, a thought, with no action behind it until an action is taken.  he says thoughts and emotions just happen and are; they come and they go, and should not be judged... but i know what i think... and i am not so sure...

  • 3:43 pm
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